Don't Eat The Fruit
by brookemopolitan
Summary: Written for the prompt: Drunk Beckett. Kate and Lanie go out on a girls night, and Kate has a little bit too much. Cue Castle doing the gentlemanly thing and escorting her home. Silliness abounds.


**This is something that has been discussed at great length over twitter, and was eventually given to me as a prompt. I desperately hope we actually get to see this on screen, because I think it would be super cute.**

**Thanks to Volgirl, who gave me the prompt, to AnnieXMuller, who wouldn't let me quit, even though I was petrified of writing this, LivWilder, for being my cheerleader and to Tadpole24 for patiently dealing with my tendency to abuse commas. You ladies are amazing.**

**This is based quite heavily on my experiences of drinking sangria in Madrid in the middle of a Spanish summer ;)**

**If I owned Castle, it would be airing today!**

* * *

The bullpen was gloriously cool. It was one of the few places in the city that had working air conditioning and Beckett let out a tiny sigh of relief when the cool air hit her overheated skin.

It had been a wild goose chase, but they'd finally nailed the murderer. Their victim left behind his wife and their eighteen-year-old daughter and Beckett had been determined to make her way out toward Little Odessa to give the grieving women the closure they deserved. She gave no consideration to her own comfort as she crawled through New York City traffic in her heatbox of a car to go break the news.

Kate cracked her neck and eyed her desk. She had an entire mountain of paperwork awaiting her and she figured she'd take her time doing it, in the vain hope that the temperature outside would have dropped by the time she ventured home. Castle was locked away in his office, frantically reworking his latest novel and Kate wasn't game to break his focus by heading over to the loft. She also wasn't keen to head to her own apartment. The air conditioning units had been shonky at best lately and even though her landlord swore blind he was getting them checked out, Kate wasn't holding her breath. Anyway, she really did prefer to be at her cool workplace than her hot, stuffy apartment.

She quickly fixed herself a shot of espresso, dousing it with cold milk and sat back down at her desk. She tossed her phone into her top drawer and got to work.

Kate nearly jumped out of her skin when she felt a hand grab her shoulder.

"Jeez, Lanie! Are you trying to give me a heart attack?" She gasped, turning in her chair to see her best friend.

"I think you're doing a pretty good job of it yourself," Lanie deadpanned back.

"What are you talking about?" Kate asked, sipping the last of her lukewarm coffee.

Lanie nodded towards Kate's coffee mug. "When was the last time you ate something solid?"

Kate gave Lanie a sheepish look. "It's too hot to eat," she whined.

"That's never stopped you from accepting snacks from Writer Boy." Lanie looked around the bullpen. "Where is Castle, anyway?"

Kate barely looked up from her paperwork. "He's in seclusion. Apparently he and Gina had some 'creative differences'" Kate barely suppressed an eyeroll as she mentioned her boyfriend's ex wife, "and he's got some major reworking to do before the book can go to print. I'm giving him the chance to work in peace."

"Perfect!" Lanie declared.

Kate raised an eyebrow. "What's perfect?"

"You have absolutely no excuse to ditch girl's night," Lanie replied. "Now put down the pen and get your ass home and showered."

* * *

Kate had to admit she felt much better after a cool shower and a change of clothes. She'd left her freshly washed hair out to curl into loose ringlets around her shoulders, the damp tendrils cooling her back against the stifling heat that was a New York evening in July. She was breaking in a new pair of strappy heels, and her tanned skin (courtesy of a few weekend trips to a certain Hamptons house) glowed golden against her white cotton sundress. She didn't bother fighting with Lanie about the restaurant for dinner, but she couldn't help but groan when she saw where the cab pulled up.

"Pipa?" Kate asked. "Lanie, it's past eight pm. Do you have a booking?"

Lanie raised an eyebrow. "When have I ever needed a booking?"

Kate sighed. "Okay," she muttered, trying not to start an argument.

"What?" Lanie groaned.

"It is going to take forever to get a table, that's all," Kate pointed out.

Lanie looked down at the neckline of her dress, then back up at Kate. "Are you sure?"

* * *

Lanie stalked away from the server's desk, aghast. "Forty five minutes for a table?" she muttered savagely.

Kate trailed after her, knowing it was better to smile and nod at Lanie's ranting rather than pointing out the obvious and setting her off all over again.

"No big deal, Lanie. We'll just sit at the bar and grab a drink while we wait," Kate soothed her. She looked over at the bartender. "Could we get a pitcher of sangria please? Make sure it's got a kick."

"I'll take care of it," Brittany, the rather buxom college student behind the bar told them surreptitiously. She rattled off some vicious sounding Spanish when she noticed the other guy behind the bar attempting to begin preparing the punch, waving him away from the jug.

Kate directed Lanie to sit on a barstool. "Spill, woman," she ordered. "You're having sex," Kate declared.

Lanie sighed heavily. "Are we doing this now?"

"Are you actually attempting to hold out on me?" Kate demanded, horrified. "Elaine Parish, I thought we were friends."

Kate shot Brittany a grin when she set down the jug. "It's got enough booze to soak a fruitcake. I'll make sure they just add it to the bill," she told them with a wink. Kate nodded, pouring healthy glasses of punch and pushing one towards Lanie.

"Details."

Lanie looked at Kate uncomfortably. "Javi, okay?" she admitted. "We've been…" Lanie sighed, swirling the fruit in her glass around. "We've been friends with benefits for a while," Lanie took a gulp out of her glass.

"And what changed?" Kate pressed gently. Once you got her going, Lanie was a sharer; Kate just had to coax it out of her at the beginning.

"You did!" Lanie exclaimed. "I saw you and Castle. You guys are all happy and in a mature functioning relationship. And I finally realised that I want that."

"Good for you," Kate praised, draining her glass and fishing a piece of peach from the bottom. She popped it into her mouth and as she chewed on it, she finally realised just how hungry she was. "But I think there's more to the story," she prompted.

"You a detective or something?" Lanie asked drily, sipping from her glass.

Kate raised an eyebrow, topping up both their glasses before using the spoon the bartender had given them to scoop out more fruit to munch on.

"Javi and I broke up because I was scared that he wanted more of a future for us than I did. He seems pretty cool with our current arrangement. What if he runs in the other direction the second I suggest we get more serious?"

"Or what if he's doing the exact same thing you're doing; accepting your arrangement as the best he's going to get because he'd rather settle for less than everything he's ever wanted with you because he'd rather have some of you, than none of you at all?" Kate suggested.

Lanie shrugged and sipped from her glass. Kate knew her best friend well enough to know that Lanie was considering what she'd said, not ignoring her.

"But it might be better to wait four years in limbo and then storm into his apartment dripping wet and jump him," Kate recommended with a wink, before plucking a piece of apple and popping it into her mouth.

"Are you actually recommending that as a healthy way to start a relationship?" Lanie queried.

Kate shrugged. "It's been a couple of months now and the sex is still mindblowing," she replied cheekily around a chunk of orange.

"Hi, ladies. We have a table ready for you if you'd like to follow me?" The server invited. Kate slung her handbag over her shoulder, before picking up the near empty jug and her glass, following along to the intimate booth that had been prepared for them.

"This is cute," Kate mused, waggling her eyebrows at Lanie from across the table.

"Careful girl," Lanie warned. "You keep up the vino and the flirting and Tessadora Laurence is gonna come out and play."

Kate laughed out loud. Tessadora Laurence was Lanie's drunken alter ego; a possessive faux lesbian, who tended to speak like she was giving a sermon in a Baptist church.

"I haven't seen her for a while, that could be fun," she replied nonchalantly.

Their server came up to the table. "Ready to order ladies?" He asked, his Antonio Banderas good looks giving both women pause.

"I think so. Can we get the seafood paella, those delicious garlic shrimp, ham croquettes, the meatballs in tomato and mushrooms?" Lanie ordered.

"Ooh! Patatas bravas," Kate added. "And I'll get a beer."

"Mahau clasica?" their server confirmed. Kate nodded. The server set a basket of bread on their table and strode away to place their orders.

Kate gave up all pretence. She emptied the pitcher of sangria in their glasses and pulled the jug toward her, picking up her fork and snacking on the fruit left at the bottom. "Don't look at me like that Lanie, I'm starving!" She whined.

"Puss in Boots just gave us a whole basket of bread. You can't snack on that like a normal person?" Lanie asked.

Kate wrinkled her nose. "Bread makes me bloaty."

* * *

Lanie excused herself to the ladies room after they'd eaten to "powder her nose". Kate strongly suspected that Javi was getting a booty call. She fumbled through her own bag, pulling out her cell phone. She smiled when she opened the text that Castle had sent her. Her tongue poked out slightly as she attempted to reply. She heaved out a sigh, dismissing the text message and opening her call log.

"Hi Kate."

She couldn't deny the shiver that snaked down her spine when she heard his greeting.

"Hey, Castle," she chirped in response. "Whatcha up to?"

"I just finished editing for the night. Did you get that text?"

"Yeah, I did. But answering was hard, so I called you instead. I'm out with Lanie," Kate explained, twirling a lock of hair around her finger.

"Kate Beckett, are you drunk?" Castle asked.

Kate flushed. "Maybe a little," she answered. "Can I come see you tonight? I want to see you. Work sucks when you're not there." Kate was well aware that she was rambling, but the sangria flooding her veins was making it impossible for her to stop.

"You should come here then. Finish up with Lanie and get a cab," He suggested.

"There's just one problem," Kate whispered. "I don't think I can walk."

"Who are you drunk dialling now, Kate?" Lanie demanded.

Kate shot Lanie a cheeky grin. "It's just Castle," she paused for a second and held out the phone. "He wants to talk to you."

Lanie had a brief discussion and handed the phone back to Kate.

"What did he want to talk to you about?" Kate asked innocently.

"Never you mind," Lanie dismissed indulgently. "Now, tell me about the sex."

A grin spread across Kate's face, her cheeks flushing delicately. "You have no idea, Lanie," Kate giggled. "Because it's physically good. Physically really, really, _really_ good," Kate paused, raising her eyebrow so that Lanie would get the point that she was making. "But on top of the fact that he totally knows what he's doing, it's awesome because it's more than just the physical stuff," Kate took a sip of the water that Lanie had gently nudged towards her. "I always thought the term making love was stupid. Like, so stupid. But it's the only thing that makes sense to describe what its like between me and Castle. Because it is so much more than the best sex I've ever had in my entire life."

"I'm proud of you, girl," Lanie informed her quietly.

"For giving into my carnal urges?" Kate asked playfully, clutching her bodice a la Victoria St Clair.

"For letting yourself be happy," Lanie clarified with a laugh. Drunk Kate was just about the funniest thing she'd ever seen, but drunk in love Kate was even funnier.

"He makes me smile every single day. I never thought that would happen to me. And I love it. I love how happy he makes me."

"You love him?" Lanie asked.

Kate paused. "Yeah," she answered. "But I haven't told him that. And I probably shouldn't until I can walk in a straight line."

"Well, we should probably change the subject, because he just walked through the door," Lanie suggested.

Kate sat up a little straighter and fluffed her hair, muttering to herself about acting natural.

"Hello, ladies," Castle greeted the pair of them.

Kate grinned like the cat that got the cream when he brushed a kiss on her cheekbone. "What are you doing here?" she asked.

He shrugged. "I found out you ladies were in the neighbourhood and I thought you might need an escort home."

"Is that so?" Kate asked him, attempting to raise an eyebrow.

"That, and once I heard you were wasted, I had to see it for myself," he teased.

Kate's mouth dropped open. "I am not wasted!" She declared indignantly. "Lanie and I shared that pitcher of sangria and I only had another two beers after that."

Lanie supressed a giggle. "I'm not getting involved in this one," she decided. "Kate, I'll go fix the bill."

Castle eyed the empty pitcher on the table. "Did you eat the fruit?" Castle asked.

Kate picked up her handbag, swinging her legs out of the booth to stand. "I was hungry and we had to wait for a table," she said by way of explanation.

"That fruit got soaked in brandy overnight. That's why you're wasted," Castle surmised. "And let me guess, you spent the last three days at work running on coffee and adrenaline?"

"You know me way too well," Kate grumbled. She stood up and immediately toppled forward. She felt blood rush to her cheeks when Castle stepped forward and caught her around the waist to steady her.

"Hey," she murmured, brushing her nose against his in a light Eskimo kiss. She leaned forward pressed a kiss on his mouth. "I'm not wasted," Kate insisted, her lips brushing against Castle's stubbly cheek. "I love it when you forget to shave," she whispered in his ear, one of her hands creeping lower to rest on his backside.

Castle caught her hand, immediately moving it to a more public appropriate location. "We're out in public, Kate. You don't want Page Six getting a snap of you when you're under the influence," he reminded her. He wrapped an arm around her waist and guided her to the door.

"You good to get our girl home?" Lanie asked him. "She can be a pain in the ass when she gets like this."

"That was hurtful and offensive, Dr. Parish," Kate interjected.

"I'm sure I'll be fine," Castle told Lanie. He raised his hand and flagged down a cab. "Get home safe."

Kate waved to Lanie as the taxi screeched around the corner. "She is so hitting up Javi for a booty call," Kate informed Castle. Her jaw dropped. "I wasn't supposed to tell you that! She's going to kill me! Can it please just be our little secret?" Kate gasped, her eyes wide.

"Your secret is safe with me," Castle promised. "Now let's get you into a cab," he suggested.

Kate shook her head. "Can we walk instead? It finally cooled down a little."

"Can you walk?" Castle asked her, supressing a grin as he observed her swaying slightly.

"I can if you prop me up," Kate replied, slipping her arm around his waist. She rested her head against his shoulder, and gave him a drunken grin. She pressed a kiss on his cheek when she felt his arm wrap around her shoulder and start to move in the direction of his loft.

"How's rewriting going?" Kate asked.

"Very, very slowly," Castle admitted. "It doesn't help that Gina is up my ass every thirty minutes," He added ruefully.

"I don't know why," Kate mused. "You're an awesome writer. You're my favourite ever. And you based Nikki on me. And I'm awesome. So why wouldn't the book be awesome?" Kate paused. "I'm rambling again, aren't I?"

Castle chuckled. "Maybe just a little," he admitted.

Kate's hand slid from Castle's waist to slip into the back pocket of his jeans. "This kinda reminds me of that time in the alley," she mumbled.

"Yeah?" Castle asked.

"Uhuh," Kate pondered. "Except this time, I don't have to feel guilty when this happens." Kate stopped dead in the middle of the sidewalk, pulling Castle into a fierce kiss.

Kate couldn't help the grin that spread over her face. She really, really liked that she could kiss Castle whenever she liked and now she didn't have to knock somebody out for the pleasure.

Castle pressed a kiss to her cheek. "Come on," he suggested, tugging her along the street.

Kate obliged, burrowing against his side and allowing him to direct her across the street. "Thank you for escorting me home," Kate sighed. "I'm sure I would have been fine on my own, but it was very gentlemanly of you."

"You still seem surprised that I'd want to take care of you," Castle commented.

Kate wrinkled her nose. "I've been taking care of myself for a really long time now. Sometimes I forget that someone will want to take care of me."

Castle absorbed her words. They'd certainly given him food for thought; and apparently her night with Lanie had lifted her inhibitions just enough to loosen her tongue.

"Oh my god, tacos!" Kate exclaimed, spotting a streetside cart a block ahead.

"You're coming home from a restaurant!" Castle pointed out.

Kate shook her head. "Not important. I want a taco," she insisted. She extricated herself from Castle's grasp, and stumbled up to the cart, giving a very specific order to the vendor. The vendor gave Castle a knowing look as the writer dug into his back pocket for his wallet as Kate fumbled through her handbag.

"I got it, Kate," Castle told her, squeezing her shoulder lightly.

Kate shot him a filthy look. "I am perfectly capable of paying for my own taco, Writer Boy."

"I have no doubt," Castle agreed. "However, I'm not sure if you're capable of counting your change," he pointed out.

Kate rolled her eyes and accepted the taco off the vendor. She plopped herself down on a bench and ate. She shook her head when she saw Castle look at her. "Haven't you ever seen a girl eat before?" She asked.

Castle shrugged. "You're gorgeous," he told her quietly.

"You sure you're not the drunk one?" Kate asked. She tossed her trash into the can and bent over to begin to undo her shoes.

"Kate, what are you doing?" Castle asked.

"My feet hurt," Kate replied, looking down at her gorgeous, gorgeous shoes that were wearing the flesh off her toes.

"You're not taking your shoes off. Walking barefoot in New York City is a recipe for disaster. We'll get a cab."

Kate shook her head. "A cab would be a really, really bad idea right now," she warned him.

"We're not that far from the loft. Are you sure you can't walk?" Castle asked. Kate shook her head, looking down at her battered feet.

Castle pondered their options. "Stand up on the bench," he ordered. Kate frowned. "Kate, just trust me."

Kate sighed, but stood up on the bench obediently, stowing her heels in her handbag. Castle stepped in front of her, his back to her chest. "Climb on," he invited.

"Don't drop me," Kate squeaked as she slipped her legs around Castle's hips, desperately hoping she wasn't flashing her ass to half of Manhattan.

A shiver crept down her spine when she felt Castle's hands brace around her bare thighs. "Do you really think I'd drop you?" He asked, setting off down the street. His smooth pace didn't upset her stomach and Kate crossed her ankles around his waist to take some of the pressure off his hands (she didn't want Gina coming after her blood for straining Castle's wrists).

Kate bit her lip to suppress the blissful sigh that wanted to escape when she felt Castle's thumb tracing a circle on the soft skin of her inner thigh. Two could play at that game.

She waited until Castle was stopped at the lights, waiting for their chance to cross the road. "Don't think I don't know what you're doing, Mr. Castle," she murmured in his ear, slipping into the accent she perfected after a semester in Kiev. She grinned wickedly when she felt Castle's hands squeeze her thighs.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Castle replied huskily.

"If you play with matches, you'll get burned," Kate warned, the same Eastern European accent dancing playfully on her words. She waited until Castle was walking again before she nipped at his earlobe.

"Keep that up Kate and I _will_ drop you," Castle warned her.

Kate spotted his building up ahead and continued with her merciless teasing. "As long as you drop me on your bed," she replied sassily, dropping her legs back to the ground after Castle stepped into the elevator.

"You're a tease," Castle informed her.

"It's not teasing if you have every intention of following through," Kate replied sassily.

Castle cupped Kate's cheek. "Kate, you're drunk. Come on. What kind of guy do you think I am?"

"You're sweet, Castle," Kate smiled, and bounced up on her toes to give him a gentle kiss. "But I'm not that wasted, and I trust you completely." She slung an arm around his neck, balancing on her tiptoes as she whispered in his ear all the things she was going to do to him, grinning when she realised that she should have been using her Russian accent to get her way for years.

Her squeal echoed down the hall when Castle picked her up fireman style and carried her into his bedroom.

* * *

**All the stuff about sangria? Very, very true. So much so that I've decided that nobody should suffer the way I did ;)**

**Brooke's guide to drinking with dignity**

******1-Do not, and I repeat, do not, run around in 45'c (113'f, for those playing at home) heat all day, not drinking any water because it tastes funny and surviving on Strawberry or Lime Calippos (the greatest ice blocks/popsicles/ice lollies in the world) and expect it not to impact you in any way. I guarantee it, you will go from totally sober, to "holy shit, I don't think I can feel my legs" in two glasses of sangria.**

**2- That boy might be really cute, but that doesn't mean you should let him keep refilling your glass "when you're not looking", and then let him keep buying you beer that comes in those awesome frozen mugs. Your drunken buzz does not wear off when you feel the abject humiliation of him having to put you to bed because he's scared you'll get stuck in the elevator. **

**3- No matter how awkward the situation, don't drink an entire jug of sangria, and then while you're waiting for your meal, decided to eat all of the fruit in the bottom of the jug. That fruit is potently alcoholic, and will ensure you're just wasted in the midst of all the awkwardness. Extra points if your mum is there (mine was).**

**Follow the guidelines, and I'm sure you'll be fine. Don't make my mistakes.**

**In all seriousness though, guys, I'd really love to hear what you think of my work. I'm finding myself a little disheartened by the whole fanfic posting process... I feel like I'm going from strength to strength with my writing (I'm really proud of all the work I've been putting up), but I don't feel like I'm getting a response. I know I'm just a humble fanfic writer, but I do write for people, and I really, REALLY love hearing what my readers have to say. So please drop me a line.**


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